**Written over two days, nothing happens in a rush whilst on holidays.
For a while now I have been thinking of how I can evolve. How I can continue to grow, both personally and through this blog. Hence I guess the impulsive hair cut. For those that don’t know, I now have a short bob. I am still warming up to the look. I have never been a girl obsessed with having long hair, however the shortness and the impulsiveness does catch me off guard sometimes. Maybe because I am a very indecisive person, so to wake up and make a decision on a whim is highly unlike me. I am hoping the new cut will make me look older and god forbid, not younger.
Recently I have felt a little stuck on this blog. Whenever I went to write something new, the blank word document and the blinking cursor stared right back at me. Uncomfortable and frustrated, as I often have so many ideas racing around in my mind, I realised I had become tired of telling the same old story. The story of me going back to the past, going back over the pain, the tears and the triumphs presented to me during my late teens, early twenties. While these stories have helped me recover and move on, more than I would have ever known, I feel it’s time I start to use this space a little differently. It’s time I move on from the past. I don’t always want to be remembered as the girl who had the eating disorder, that’s not who I see myself as anymore. I have so much more within me to give, especially as my business starts to grow and I help other women on their journey. That is not to say I won’t go back there and revisit those times, it’s just today, I feel like writing something more light hearted.
My intent with these blog posts, which I will call ‘Moments’, is to write more. To not feel the pressure of writing something tear provoking every time. These posts may be sporadic, they may become a staple to my blog…we will wait to see what feels right.
I often get emails from women saying how much they can relate to my story and while I love these emails and feeling like I and you are not alone, I also hope you can relate to my everyday, in-between moments. These moments may not be picture perfect or even worth a picture frame but they are shaping me into the woman I have and want to become. Here goes my first Moments post, as I share with you all my simple and special moments over the past few days.
DOING: Typing on my computer, while sipping lemon and ginger tea. I have just finished putting clean sheets on my bed..this all feels like a novelty considering its 2:30pm on a Tuesday. I love holidays. Today however has been the first day I feel like I am actually on uni holidays. The past few weeks have been a little crazy, organising the movie screening last Tuesday, putting together meal plans for clients and working my normal part-time job has left me realising I need to start enjoying holidays before it’s too late. I want to do all the stuff I promised myself I would do when I was in the thick of exams, like reading in the afternoon, catching up with friends, walk the dog, you know the stuff that always gets put at the bottom of the list. Lately I have been particularly paranoid when it comes to germs. Angus has had the man flu, or as he likes to call it, the black lung for the past week. So that means the little germaphobe within me has been having conniptions every time he coughs or opens his mouth. Hence washing the sheets for the 100th time this week.
HEARING: Nervous by Gavin James on repeat. My favourite song at the moment when I want to be in a little more gentle and quiet mood. Reminds me of when Angus and I first started hanging out and all the feelings I felt for the first time. What also makes me nervous is how much trust and love you can have for one person. How whether you realised it or not, one person can be your whole entire world. See I told you this song did funny things to me. Also hearing my Dad out in the backyard….lately he is always working on some sort of project in the garden, which is ironic as my family and I always insist on him to GTM (get the man). Right now he is doing some sort of smoke initiation ceremony, as he lights up our new fire pit for the second time. Which Mum swears will burn our house down one day. Only time will tell I guess.
EATING + COOKING: Curry lentil soup. Over the weekend I made a large batch to take over to my Grandpas. Whenever we are making something yummy or have left overs, we put them in little Chinese containers and take them over to my Grandpas house for him to reheat. Yesterday I went over after work to drop off some soup and ended up staying for a while, until I was cutting into his happy hour time. Whenever we go over to Grandpas he always has old stories to tell or photos to show. Yesterday he showed me a sewing box that belonged to my Mum when she was a little girl. Lately I have also been loving open sandwiches. During the week when I go to work I often grab a soup out of the freezer for lunch and while this is everything and more, I do appreciate the days when I am at home and can mix and match my lunches to adjust to what I feel like. My favourite open sambo combo at the moment is red salmon with cheese, veggies and a chutney of some sort.
READING: Sign me up for self-help books anonymous, please! My bookshelf is filled with them. Whether they be health related, or about finding your third eye, I love nothing more than going to bed at night and diving into a good self-help book. Maybe its the perfectionist within me that finds reading fantasy books a waste of time, or the fact that I haven’t really read any good one’s (apart from Jodi Picoult), I just can’t seem to get into them. Maybe its even buyers remorse, I am a very indecisive person and I often feel like purchasing a book is a commitment that shouldn’t be taken lightly. If anyone has any good book suggestions please throw them at me! I am on holidays for a while and find reading to be the only way I really stop and relax. Today I bought Lorraine Murphy’s book, Remarkability. This book has been on my mental to-do list for a while now after seeing her guest speak at the Business Chicks breakfast back at the beginning of the year. During her talk my ears lit up when I heard the words, “get fu*king organised”. Lorraine’s book is about her journey of becoming a successful entrepreneur, the highs and the mistakes included. I am already looking forward to my date with my bed tonight.
PLANNING: On making carrot cake bliss balls. I have never had carrot cake before but when ever I see them, especially the icing, my cravings kick in. Also planning on making a vegetarian lasagne for the Fyshwick Markets.
LOVING: My new filing cabinet. I think this one owes an explanation before you think I am the most boring woman on the planet. My new filing cabinet represents the beginning successes of my business. Placing my business registration papers, client forms and paid invoices into my organised new filing cabinet, gives me a real sense of proudness. When I get to my outgoing expenses file…this feeling may change.
WATCHING: Way too many TV series and stopping half way through. Angus will probably hate me for giving away his secret but he is a huge Gilmore Girls fan. I haven’t worked out if he watches it because it is a show that we can finally enjoy together or if he actually does truly enjoy it. Either way i’ll take it. I love watching the show mainly for the quick whit but equally for the 90’s fashion. If Lorelai could pull off wearing cutoffs, cowboy boots, a tie-dye tee, and a long black jacket on Rory’s first day of high school than I want an explanation as to why we can’t now…unfortunately I think that explanation comes in two words. Miley Cyrus. Apart from Gilmore Girls, we are also a few episodes into The Crown.
LOOKING: forward to Angus and I’s trip to the South Coast this weekend. For Christmas Angus got me a voucher to Rick Stein’s restaurant at Bannisters in Mollymook and this weekend we are finally going. It’s been a while since Angus and I went away just us two. My family has a beach house down the South Coast and I can’t wait to go down and put my bare feet in the sand. We have a fireplace in the living room, which makes heading to the coast during winter something special.
CONSIDERING: New bed sheets. As I was putting on my clean sheets for what seems like the 100th time this past week I realised my love heart winter sheets may be a little outdated….I am considering purchasing some more grown up bamboo sheets from Yo Home. Maybe in the stone colour. I am also considering selling my granola. I have set up a shopping page on the blog however I just need to work out a few of the boring logistics first, like how much to sell it at and how I would send it out to people? If you would be interested in purchasing some of my granola please let me know and it will kick my but into gear.
WEARING: My watch. One of the first presents I received from Angus was a beautiful rose gold watch. Now this watch has been the epitome of my health journey. When I first wore it I had to get two chunks taken out as it was way too big for my wrist. About 6 months a go, I proudly had those chunks put back in. It’s the small wins. Today I went to go and get the battery replaced as it had been sitting in my top drawer unworn for too long than I would like to admit. Now it’s proudly on my wrist, where it should be. This watch means so much more to me than just telling me the time.
CRAVING: Pasta. Is it a craving if it’s daily? Tonight I am going out for dinner at an Italian restaurant with two girls I went to school with. Ever since we decided on the place I have been craving pasta. Also, peanut butter and orange marmalade toast. This is my favourite afternoon tea when it’s cold.
FEELING: Happy. It’s so nice to be writing again and writing in a way where I feel free to express what ever pops into my head at that exact moment. This past month has been pretty amazing for me. One thing that stands out is my Mum’s health. Last week my family had a scare as they found a lump in her breasts. We had to wait four days before she could get extra tests done and I thank god a thousand times over for letting those tests be negative. I am quite a reflective person and as such never take those around me for granted. However when I found out about Mum, my whole world shattered around me. My mum is the glue in our family. She is my best friend. No matter how busy her day is, she always makes sure that our house always feels like a home. When she’s around, the house feels warm, it has noise, it has life in it. I can’t imagine life without her. I get teary writing this and I was the one that said these posts would be light-hearted. I can’t help myself sometimes. Another happy moment was this time last week when Jem and I held our Embrace movie screening. Who would have thought that two young girls, who hardly spoke to each other on the morning bus during high school, would become great friends and bring 200 women and men together and share in a night that was filled with body positivity and confidence. Since that night, I have had so many women, of all ages, contact me thanking them for no longer making them feel alone. Body image issues are all around us but the good thing is the more we talk about it, the less of an impact it will have. I was saying to someone recently, my goal at the end of all of this is that if and when I have a daughter, the emphasis and weight our society literally places on one’s weight will no longer exist. A girl can dream can’t she. Until that dream comes true you’ll find me here with you. Helping you, just like you helped me.
This little segment was inspired by Heidi from Apples Under my Bed, a women who has helped me fall back in love with food, more than she will ever know.